Immediately upon issuing their prognostications the Houston and Calgary based ‘Committee for Climate Certainty’ rebutted the groundhogs’ findings, claiming the science was uncertain. The Committee released hacked emails between Wiarton Willie and Punxsutawney Phil – “What are we going to do about those scientists’ concerns?” Willie is purported to have asked Phil in an email late last year. “Let’s stick to the date, just fudge our shadows and hope no one notices,” Phil is reported to have responded.
The trouble for groundhogs began last year when on April 1, 2011 the highly influential and credentialed Union of Concerned Scientists argued that climate change had already caused spring to arrive eight days earlier in the northern hemisphere and Groundhog Day should be moved up to Jan. 25 from Feb. 2. “We hope that the change of date will bring needed attention to the consequences of climate change,” Dr. Phil DeGraeve, a climate scientist at Pennsylvania State University said in the April release. Phil (the groundhog) and Willie were unavailable for comment at that time.
Representatives for both Wiarton Willie and Punxsutawney Phil, upon learning of the challenge today from the Committee for Climate Certainty, immediately issued statements arguing that climate predictions have always been an inexact science, but Groundhog Day is still an important harbinger of spring. “For more than 150 years groundhogs have been providing a critical service to cold, spring obsessed people in Northern US and Canada. The groundhogs ask for the public’s understanding in this time of turmoil. They hope to be able to continue providing this important service.”
Prior to scurrying back into his burrow Phil was overheard, ‘First those busybody scientists, my Steelers lose, and now this. What’s a groundhog to do in this heated climate?’
Amid all the confusion, Wiarton Willie (supposedly the smarter one, and rumored to be female) took a few reporters’ questions. When asked if Willie thought Balzac Billy (AB, Canada), western Canada’s most famous groundhog, would be able to provide corroborating evidence to today’s prediction, Willie answered, “Climate predictions out of Alberta have become suspect. This really is a bad time for all groundhogs.”
Fatima Shah, an important person at the World Bank, admitted just last week that she wasn’t aware of the significant cultural influence groundhogs have in Northern US and Canada. “Having grown up in Pakistan I thought Groundhog Day was about showing that given enough time even someone like Bill Murray could hook up with a woman like Andie MacDowell.”
After learning of this morning’s controversy, Ms. Shah said her “hopes and prayers are with the groundhogs and their families in these trying times.” She held steadfastly with Phil and Willie saying, “Their climate predictions remain important.”
Dimitri Zenghelis, an important economist who participated in the important Stern Report quickly commented this morning, “Climate change is the world’s biggest market failure ever. It’s unfair to people and it’s unfair to rodents.”
Mr. Zenghelis also reported that it was believed that Punxsutawney Phil attended last December’s climate conference in Durban. Phil was apparently overheard muttering “I’m expected to get it right every time on the first try, and these guys have already had 17 attempts for an agreement and they’re not even close. Even in baseball, its three strikes and you’re out.”
Recognizing the new climate-gate both groundhogs are now embroiled in and the uncertainty around next year’s Groundhog Day, both Wiarton Willie and Punxsutawney Phil have applied for summer internships at the World Bank’s Urban Anchor. “The whole world’s urbanizing so why shouldn’t we,” they shouted as they headed back to their burrows.
Note: Groundhog Day is a tradition celebrated since the late 1800s in Pennsylvania, and later Southern Ontario, where crowds of up to 40,000 wait on the morning of Feb 2 to see if the groundhog, when emerging from his burrow sees his shadow or not. There are now at least 30 groundhogs providing this service to communities across the US and Canada. The largest and longest running celebration is in Punxsutawney, PN. Weather folklore has it that if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter. If not, there will be an early spring that year.
The accuracy of the tradition was thrown into question when, on April 1 last year, the Union of Concerned Scientists called for Groundhog Day to be moved to Jan 25 recognizing the fact that climate change has already led to spring arriving, on average, 8 days earlier in southern Pennsylvania.
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